A divorce is also a grieving process . Indeed, it supposes the death of a life that was supposed to be in common , of dreams for the future, of shared time and of feelings. It is not easy to overcome it but if you take into account some tips, the mourning for the failed marriage can be more bearable.
Tips to get over a divorce
There can be many causes that lead to divorce, either by mutual agreement or contentious. In fact, each couple is different and, therefore, it could almost be said that there are as many reasons for divorce as there are marriages. Infidelity, abuse, incompatibility of characters … whatever, it is not easy to overcome the break.
However, it must be done: there is no other option. We cannot force anyone to stay by our side nor should we continue in a relationship that does not make sense.
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Accept the divorce
A marriage is the beginning of a life together , with dreams for the future, expectations and plans. It is a vision of the future that attracts us to the point of taking us to the altar to commit ourselves to the other person, thinking that it will be for life.
In this way, it is also an investment. Indeed, we invest in our spouse, in that life together, in all senses (economic, psychological, emotional…).
It is, therefore, normal that we refuse to accept that everything we have invested and dreamed of is not going to come true. This is why many people experience a denial phase, that is, they refuse to admit that it is over and insist that somehow the marriage can be saved, even risking their own dignity.
However, we must be honest and sincere with ourselves and accept reality . Of course, a grieving process will be necessary to overcome the rupture and in this sense, we must be condescending with ourselves and give ourselves time.
No to isolation
During the mourning of a relationship that has ended, many people tend to isolate themselves, withdraw into themselves and reject social life and contact with others, even those closest to them.
However, it is best to share what you feel and how you feel with close people who really love you. Expressing your feelings is something always positive that will lead you to feel more relieved and better. In this way, you can get rid of part of the burden that hurts you.
Therefore, do not reject family and friends who will help you , without a doubt, away from the isolation that can make you see things even more difficult than they really are.
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It is easy to say – we are aware of it – but in every rupture, in addition to something that dies, there is also something that is born. And, indeed, a new future is born that, in addition, you had not imagined until now.
Little by little, as the grief over the marriage wears off, you can imagine a new life and have new dreams, expectations, and plans. Plus, you can even imagine yourself doing what you really want. Because now you are in those future projections and not the two who were the couple.
It is the ideal time to be optimistic , to imagine that future full of personal growth and pleasant activities, to take care of yourself and live your life.
Learn from divorce
You’ve been through a lot. You have suffered, you have cried and you have almost reached the limit. That means, among other things, that you have become closer to yourself, that you have been in contact with your deepest self and that you have been able to get to know yourself better .
Now you know your limits better and have learned to channel pain and negative emotions. Now you are stronger, more confident. Take advantage of that energy and consider a new life and a new future.
It is time to prioritize yourself
While the marriage lasted, everything revolved around the marital relationship: the day to day, how to organize vacations, shopping for the supermarket, what to watch on television … However, now, that condition does not exist and you can prioritize yourself same.
Therefore, try to do activities that are pleasant to you, that is, rediscover your hobbies and your personal tastes. Take care of yourself by doing physical exercise, for example.
No need to find another partner
It is the moment to understand that happiness is in yourself, and that you do not need a romantic relationship to give meaning to your life. Indeed, it makes sense on its own.
Therefore, do not think that finding another partner will solve your problems, neither present nor future. You must learn that feeling alone is also necessary , it is relating to yourself. Only then will we be prepared, as more upright and fulfilled individuals, to find the right person.
Seek professional help if necessary
If despite everything you feel that you cannot overcome the divorce and that the grief is more intense than you can bear, do not hesitate to go to a professional.
Indeed, if you consider that depression is lurking and that you don’t feel capable of doing anything, or eating or enjoying the most everyday things in life, a psychologist can effectively help you overcome it.
So be condescending to yourself and accept that you need help. Then ask for it. A specialist will help you manage stress and your feelings. It will teach you to channel them in the proper way and to be able, at last, to visualize that new future that is now open to you without limits.
Throughout this article, we have given you some tips to help you overcome a traumatic divorce. Now, you should always keep in mind that each divorce is a world, as is each couple.
Thus, especially in those marriages with children or in which there has been abuse, we must be especially mature and strong . In fact, mismanaging the situation or the emotions and hurts that the breakup entails can create even more trauma in the future. Therefore, go to a professional whenever necessary.