Have you heard your friend tell you that she went out with a boy, they touched a little or kissed his genitals, but there was no sex? It is common for many people to express themselves this way, especially women, believing that there is no such thing as sex without penetration.
However, it is important to emphasize the need to put these types of beliefs aside. That is, we cannot continue to think that if there was no penetration, then it is not about sex, because the truth is that it works that way.
In any type of encounter in which there is oral sex, mutual masturbation, or rubbing, even if there is no penetration, it can be said that there was sex.
The belief has spread to think that these sexual practices are isolated from the sexual act itself , or that it is only about “foreplay” or “foreplay.”
But, these kinds of thoughts only make women attach more importance to having a penis inside their vagina, than to the need for pleasure.
Sex without penetration does exist
Today, experts are more focused on clarifying these doubts and misconceptions that persist in a significant number of the female and male population.
In fact, some stores that sell erotic products have also dedicated themselves to this issue and have created online questionnaires so that users analyze their sexual behaviors and can clarify what really happens when they have an intimate encounter with someone.
A popular belief is to think that sex is only reduced to penetration so that it can be considered as such; however, this type of thinking is reductionist. When we think like this, we do not consider those people who enjoy an active sexual life , in which there is no presence of penises.
Indeed, our western culture tends to be phallocentric and to dismiss other types of sexual encounters. According to what was raised by the sexologist, psychologist and couples therapist, Ana Lombardía, there is pressure for both women and men to feel the obligation to include penetration in their routine.
Thus, she argues that:
“We feel pressure for all sexual encounters to end with a movie penetration and orgasm, but these ideas must change. Sexuality should be oriented to do everything we like, and when we want, without having to adjust to specific rules ”.
Clearly, these ideas come from the little education that has been had regarding sexuality and, in those cases in which the person has received sexual education, this has not always prioritized the pleasure of the woman .
Sex is much more complex
Another ingrained idea that gives strength to the previous idea – that sex is reduced to penetration – is that many people still believe that we should all be heterosexual and cisgender. This, of course, has only drawn more prejudice with it.
For this reason, some sexologists go against the concept of sexual foreplay, as they deplete the expressiveness of true sexuality by believing that anything other than penetration has less importance in intimacy. However, there are also other ways of having sex in which penetration does not matter.
The preliminaries are thought to be those previous games to what is really important, that is, penetration. For this reason, Dr. Lombardía emphasizes that:
“The only truth is that all sexual practices are complete and fulfilling by themselves, whether or not there is penetration, or it ends with an orgasm or not.”
Indeed, after consulting many women, some studies argue that penetration is not their preferred practice , as other sexual expressions are more exciting.
In addition to this, other research also confirms that not all women can have an orgasm if they are only penetrated. However, this is something that many keep quiet.
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Women can re-educate
It is worth wondering who really are the women who are willing to re-educate themselves and fight for a less exclusive sexuality, in which a recognition of all the sexual potential that our bodies hide.
This new way of observing sexuality allows us to let go of all those misconceptions, or misplaced, that force us to have intimate encounters whose purpose is penetration.
In the same way, attending to sexuality as the complex dimension that it really is, helps us understand that what really matters is communicating with the couple, and letting them know what we like them to do to us and what we like to do.