There is no worse feeling than being victimized, especially when the person that is victimizing you is your own partner. The very person that you are meant to trust. This is the person that you are meant to trust with your emotions, and your life. Of course, the sociopath did, in the beginning do all that they could to win your trust. You often didn’t realise that you were involved with a psychological nut job, until now.
The sociopath is a coward, and is weak. While they are great at bullying others, and making them feel weak, they don’t particularly want to be found out for their actions. You, the victim, are the one person who could lead to their conviction, or others finding out about who they really are. You are therefore a liability.
This is more than deflection
What better way to isolate you from others, than to make out that YOU are the abuser, and that they are the victim? The sociopath is expert at doing this. This is all part and package of ‘playing victim’. The sociopath uses quite expertly, their ability to lie, and your ability to be honest and tell the truth, to cover for their what can only be described as psychological abuse.
Deflection is when attention is moved elsewhere, when that person is the guilty party, to remove the finger of blame towards them. The sociopath will go one further than this. Stepping across a boundary that is so far over the boundary, you will be left feeling stunned, and reeling that this is even happening to you.
Common sociopathic practices
- Yelling ‘stop assaulting me’ when they are hitting you, within earshot of others (this could just be the neighbours next door) anyone that will back up their lies, should you choose to report them
- Calling the police on you, and reporting YOU for something that they have done to you (he/she stole from me, he/she hit me etc etc)
- Bringing up your past, to make out that you are crazy – so that they look like the innocent victim
- Using any kind of authority against you (police, medical, social workers… friends, family – anyone that they can use)
- Using threats against you, what they will do to you, if you report them
What does this achieve for the sociopath?
Firstly it makes the victim feel small. It makes the victim live in fear and feel afraid. Most importantly for the sociopath, it achieves what they are most interested in
- Being in control
Life is just a game to the sociopath, and you, the victim are merely a player in the game. The game would end, should their actions be discovered.
They know that they have to use fake love to manipulate you, and fear to control you. When you are angry when you have been abused by them, you become a threat and a liability.
They need to silence you.
Playing victim and accusing you of being the abuser
By accusing you of being the abuser, the sociopath already knows that they are ahead of the game. What can you say? The sociopath deliberately sets up the game so that they are covered. Is it evil, yes. Is it sinister, yes. Is it frightening to go through? Absolutely. When they have accused you, if you retaliate and accuse them, the sociopath knows that you might not be believed, after all, they have already explained why ‘you are crazy’. Usually this information would have been gained from you, when they were grooming you, building trust, and giving you false information, to believe that you could trust them.
You can never trust a sociopath. Remember the most important thing
Leaving your senses reeling
This kind of assault can leave your senses reeling. It is one of the worst kinds of abuse. Often this behaviour will be in addition to other abuse, financial, physical or sexual abuse. The sociopath uses this method to try to hide their abuse. To silent you, to stop you from talking and to isolate you from others. Again, the ultimate goal is always:
- Being in control
I know that there are many readers to this site (thousands of you a day) and I also know, from my own personal experience, and from what I read from other readers, that this kind of assault (and it is assault) is horrifying to go through. It is one of the worst kinds of abusive experiences that I have experienced. It is unlikely that you will witness this behaviour in the beginning of the relationship, when the sociopath is grooming you and things are just ‘perfect’, but as the relationship comes towards an end, the sociopath is looking to escape, or if the relationship has ended and the sociopath is trying to ‘silence’ you, this behaviour will often occur.
What are your thoughts?
Have you experienced this? What happened to you and how did it make you feel? Have you recovered from this experience?