It is difficult and heartbreaking to acknowledge that your marriage no longer has a solution. It’s putting an end to something that once represented the ultimate happiness and was supposed to be forever. Sometimes there are ways and formulas that can save a marriage. However, there are times when it is best to accept reality, no matter how harsh , and move on along different paths.
About 50% of couples who get married for the first time end up divorced, according to divorce statistics. The reasons can be very varied, from financial problems to sexual incompatibilities. The end is the same, the divorce.
How to be sure that your marriage no longer has a solution?
Marriages have ups and downs. In bad times the idea of separation can come to mind, and when everything passes and the relationship improves, those thoughts seem out of place. Therefore, it is difficult to discern if it is simply a bad stage or it is something that has no solution .
Deep down, no one wants to destroy a relationship and carry responsibility . Many things are affected, from the material things that they have built together, to the children, whom one wants to protect and care for above all else.
So sometimes it is good to look for solutions. Shellie Warren, a marriage therapist, recommends exhausting 5 actions before thinking that marriage has no solution.
- See a marriage counselor
- Talk to your partner about the needs and concerns of the relationship.
- Spend more time together and be more intimate.
- Recognize your own mistakes and try to change them.
- Understand that your partner can be wrong.
However, there are times when the signs indicate that there are not many possible exits.
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First of all, it must be considered that some situations do not have to be tolerated and do not even deserve a reconsideration.
1. A marriage no longer has a solution if there is abuse
Either physically or verbally, if you feel that your partner is attacking you, you should not accept it and you have to understand that violent behaviors are repetitive.
2. Toxic relationships
A damaging relationship can be difficult to recognize , because sometimes the damage is very subtle. If you feel contempt, verbal abuse, lack of empathy, constant criticism and lack of consideration, you may be the victim of a toxic relationship.
3. Lies as a sign that your marriage no longer has a solution
A couple is built on trust . If cheating is a habit to justify behavior, that trust is broken . Likewise, infidelity is a sign of little interest in the relationship. Although it can sometimes be forgiven and overcome, it often tends to relapse.
Even if there is love and empathy, if your partner has addictions to alcohol, drugs, gambling or some other type of addictive behavior, sooner or later it will affect the relationship . The addiction is going to be more important than the partner and the consequences can be incalculable. In those cases, it is best to seek professional help.
Read also: How to deal with divorce
Signs that marriage has no solution
There are other circumstances in which the way forward is not so clear. When you feel that divorce is imminent but doubts do not let you decide, you can look for some signs that can give you an indication that the marriage no longer has a solution.
1. Lack of respect
When one loses respect for the other , the relationship is very complicated. If one feels that the other is less, it will hardly change that feeling. John Gottman, one of the most renowned psychologists, considers this contempt to be one of the “horsemen of the marriage apocalypse . “
2. You idealize a life without a partner
Thinking that one can be better alone or with another person at some point of conflict can be normal. But when this is a constant thought and in every situation you find a more satisfying situation in your mind, it is a sign that there is no satisfaction in marriage.
3. Constant fights
Differences in marriage are normal. Coexistence is very difficult, but when there is love there is tolerance . If every conversation ends in an argument, that tolerance is lost. There may even be a need to discharge some internal anger against the other . That, obviously, is not good for the relationship.
4. Constant criticism
If you do not see anything good in your partner, or vice versa, it is because criticism has taken over the relationship. Constructive criticism can be valuable, as long as the positives are also seen. When criticism only destroys, many other things are destroyed in the couple.
5. Always blame the other
In any relationship the blame is shared. When your partner blames you for everything, there is most likely a feeling of anger towards you. That is a form of contempt that should also be treated with a marriage therapist , otherwise it will be difficult to maintain a relationship under that premise.
6. Lack of contact
Sex is an important part of the couple. Without them, the relationship is not complete. If in addition, there is not even a caress, a kiss or a hug, the interest may have been completely lost.
Remember to exhaust all possible avenues if you still want to fight for the relationship . However, keep in mind that there are certain aspects that should not be tolerated. Marriage therapy is a very suitable option although, if the feelings still do not change, the decision will be made.