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Couple relationships

Keys to take care of the couple’s relationship

Love must be cultivated, like a plant. For this reason, today we want to share with you the keys to taking care of the couple’s relationship. There could be 4 essentials.

When we start a relationship, the beginning is usually more intense, but, unfortunately, over time relationships tend to decline . Some even conclude.

After the family, studies such as the one carried out by researchers at the Universidad Santo Tomás, in Chile , indicate that the couple relationship is one of the most significant and intense in our lives, influencing our well-being.

With all this, we do not need more explanations to make sense of the desire to want to be next to a person. But how can we take care of our relationship so that it is healthy and does not fall into harmful attachments or deterioration?

According to professor at the University of Chile Fernando Maureira , there are four essential components in a relationship: commitment, romance, love and intimacy.  In addition to these elements, there are also other factors that we can use to safeguard our coexistence as a couple. Discover them!

Keys to take care of the couple’s relationship

1. Loving ourselves

In order to give love, we first need to love ourselves. Loving ourselves and being willing to grow as human beings is essential.

In fact, many conflicts in the couple begin with their own deficiencies. When this happens, then one of the members can demand from the other what in reality no one else can give him.

We can overturn these limiting ideas, founded on romantic myths , and that prevent us from truly loving. For example, one of these beliefs is that the other person completes us. This is false. We are complete from the moment we are born .

Self-esteem and self-confidence
To have a healthy relationship, we must put aside those limiting romantic thoughts. Before loving another person, we must love ourselves.

2. Acknowledge our mistakes

This is crucial in order to improve. If we want a relationship that is healthy, the proper thing is to recognize our defects and be willing to change.   We all have some aspect of our life to improve. If we are honest, we may even ask for help if we feel like we can’t.

psychologist can be of help in this regard. This professional can help you envision the areas you need to work on to become a better person. When you start managing your thoughts and emotions in the right way, it will be much easier to have a relationship that is healthy.

Also read: What is the secret of couples that work?

3. Build spaces for intimacy

This is not just about sexuality. Having a space for intimacy, in addition to getting closer to the couple, allows us to relate our dreams, express our fears , tell our illusions, among others.

4. Play down small problems

Sometimes we unleash catastrophes where there are only small problems. The best antidote to dissolving problems is to laugh and focus on the big projects.

What is the secret of couples that work?
It is important to downplay those little things that cause discomfort in the couple. Dialogue and think about projects helps to overcome difficulties.

5. Create common projects

And work for them. This allows the relationship to grow stronger. That is, looking at both in one direction, but without neglecting the dreams of each. Some of the objectives that can be raised can range from taking a trip, renovating a house or starting a business.

6. A getaway

A romance-filled getaway can go a long way toward nurturing your relationship. In these moments you can escape the routine and find each other, without distracting elements.

Although many couples wait for a special day to do it, it can also be done at any time. That is, you don’t have to wait for a birthday or anniversary to pack your bags and travel together.

You may be interested in: Living together as a couple

7. Dialogue in the couple relationship

Some couples only communicate when they have serious problems to attend to, but dialogue is necessary at all times. It can be good to spend at least ten minutes each morning talking or reminding each other how much you love each other. A great option can be active listening .

Listening, one of the keys to taking care of your relationship
Dialogue and active listening are decisive for having a good coexistence as a couple. It is important to practice it, even when there are no problems involved.

8. Never forget the details

These reinforce the couple’s relationship every day. Thus, some may be: a romantic note, a massage or a surprise dinner, among others. Details can be unexpected. We all like them!

9. Respect in the couple relationship

This is another key component. Both towards you, and towards your partner. When we respect ourselves, it is more feasible to begin to experience well-being because respect is the first step towards happiness.

By following these guidelines, you can enjoy a good relationship. Identify any mistakes you may be making and try to change the situation as soon as you can. It is never too late to start and much less to love. And remember that you can always consult with a couples therapist if your problems are not solved.

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Couple relationships

Rebecca syndrome: jealousy towards your partner’s ex

Rebecca Syndrome refers to those situations where a person experiences jealousy towards the ex of his current partner. Nowadays, it is increasingly common to develop these types of feelings, according to some psychologists.

This can be due to a variety of causes, from low self-esteem to a compelling need to compare yourself with others. Sometimes, even the partner may be the cause of this situation.

Let’s go deeper.

Why is it called Rebecca syndrome?

This syndrome receives that name inspired by the Alfred Hitchcock film called in the same way, “Rebecca”, and released in 1940. In turn, the film production was based on the novel “Rebecca”, by Daphne du Maurier.

In this cult feature film we learn the story of a young companion who lives an affair with a widowed millionaire and ends up marrying him. Unfortunately for the new wife, the housekeeper and the rest of the house staff (an imposing mansion called Manderley ) are hostile towards her from the beginning.

The young woman is constantly compared to the former woman. This is sanctified, glorified and admired by the whole world  and, little by little, the protagonists begin to feel that their self-esteem falls to the detriment of the untouchable image of the deceased.

For this reason, she begins to develop a jealousy that has no reason to be, especially when it is discovered that her husband’s relationship with his previous wife was anything but happy and peaceful.

What is Rebecca syndrome like?

The author Peter Van Sommers, in his interesting work entitled: “Jealousy: Knowing It, Understanding It, Accepting It”,  has expressed his own opinion about this type of jealousy which he has classified as “retrospective”. That is, those  caused by the previous relationships of the current partner.

This is why the affected person can feel jealousy even of a former  deceased of his current partner. The Bulgarian writer Elias Canetti also previously uttered an aphorism that fits this description very well:

“Jealousy should be classified according to what one hated the most: the rivals who were, who are, who will be.”

Being someone who is considered as a rival from the past, it is common for the person with the syndrome to imagine happy situations that that person lived with their partner.

It is also common for those who suffer from this syndrome to assume that that person is or was more intelligent, beautiful or attractive, among others. That is, to assign outstanding qualities to it.

This leads those who suffer from jealousy to have a complacent behavior towards the other, although the opposite can also happen, that they feel superior. The truth is that this situation seriously affects living together as a couple, causing conflicts or completely destroying the relationship.

Read: How to manage jealousy after an infidelity

Causes of Rebecca syndrome

As this  study by researchers Scheinkman and Werneck points out, “Jealousy is a complex relational experience. They are a visceral fear of loss. “

This way of feeling includes thoughts and feelings that generate actions and reactions that sometimes seem incomprehensible.

Woman with Rebecca syndrome
Sometimes Rebecca syndrome has its origin in a problem of self-esteem of the person. However, it can also be given by pair comparisons.

The situations that increase the possibility of this box appearing are the following:

  • Low self-esteem and self-concept of those who suffer from the syndrome.
  • When the partner or the environment constantly remembers the previous partner.
  • The partner makes direct comparisons between both pairs.
  • When the person suffering from the syndrome realizes that they resemble the previous partner of their current partner, either physically or in personality.
  • When the couple has recently been widowed, they have not passed the stage of mourning and the feelings and memories are on the surface.

You may be interested: How do I know if I am jealous?

Is there any treatment?

Improving the situation in which irrational fears prevail  often involves some type of intervention , according to Dr. Cuesta . In some cases, it may be necessary that the partner of the person suffering from this syndrome also receive psychological support.

Some suggestions that may help include the following:

  • That the current partner improves communication.
  • Let the current couple express their dissatisfactions and remember why they are together.
  • Avoid making exaggerated mentions about the qualities of the previous partner or verbalizing many details.
  • Review the beliefs that the person suffering from jealousy has.
  • Improve the self-esteem of the person suffering from this syndrome.
  • Modify attitudes that are controlling, among others.

With the support of a psychologist , it is possible to leave behind the pictures of celotype and begin to truly enjoy the relationship as a couple, in the here and now.

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Couple relationships

Sologamia or the tendency to marry oneself

Sologamia, or the tendency to marry oneself, is a topic that is in vogue, especially for those who consider that their happiness does not depend on others. Traditionally, many people have believed in the myths of love; therefore, they think they need to find their “rib” or “better half”. However, this is beginning to reverse.

Now, a new group of individuals arises who consider that their happiness does not depend on others, and they are conceived as complete beings. This belief goes to the limit of marrying himself. So far, more women are beginning to practice sologamia.

Solitude is not loneliness

Those who observe these attitudes from the outside, tend to think that those who practice sologamia are lonely people or narcissistic individuals , who do not know the happiness of sharing with someone else.

Solitude is not loneliness

 

However, it is worth noting that sologamia is not loneliness. Those who practice it have made it clear that they find the best possible company: themselves. In fact, studies indicate that loneliness can be defined, following Sullivan, as:

“An unpleasant experience, associated with a lack of interpersonal intimacy.”

While other research defines this state as:

“The absence of attachment relationships, that is, especially significant relationships for the person, and that provide a secure base.”

However, the detail with sologamia is that the secure base is not outside, but within each of those who practice it.

Also read: 6 ways to combat your fear of loneliness

Why marry yourself?

Those who conceive of sologamia as the best way to give themselves love is because they have made a commitment to love each other without expecting this feeling from others. That is to say, well-being, self-confidence, and the fullness of love are not sought in another person, nor is it requested, but is obtained from within.

Although it is a fairly new trend, it is already beginning to travel quite a few parts of the world, so it could be said that it is becoming more and more successful.

Those who assume marriage with themselves do so because:

  • They do not believe that their happiness depends on others.
  • They don’t want a conventional marriage.
  • They observe the high divorce rates, but they know that with themselves this will not exist. The only way to self-divorce is to stop loving yourself, something that will never happen.
  • They don’t believe in traditional marriages.
  • They do not want to experience the crises that traditionally formed couples experience.

It may interest you: Discover the benefits of loneliness

Sologamia and legality

An important aspect that must be considered is that the Sologamia, for now, has a legal vacuum, since it is not found in current laws. However, it is possible that over time this legal vacuum will end up being filled, as more and more women decide to make this commitment .

If this trend continues to grow, perhaps one day, the legal system will end up including it.

How is sologamia celebrated?

In this type of marriages, the protagonists dress in white, with bridal gowns, invite their loved ones, bring bridesmaids and make toasts . The cakes are also usually showy, of enormous sizes; Event rooms are rented, and some women actually go on honeymoon and then send postcards from their destination.

How is sologamia celebrated?

 

Rings are not a problem either, because those who tire of themselves give themselves a ring of self-commitment. The rise of these celebrations is so accelerated that there are already companies that are dedicated to serving these people . An example of this is I Marry Me.

These companies are dedicated to planning everything related to the event so that nothing fails that day , as well as collecting the stories of the women who decide to take this big step. The most exciting thing about these ceremonies is the reading of the vows. Most women say:

“I promise to love myself, love myself and respect myself more every day, I renounce self-sabotage and attract failure into my life; from now on I promise to treat myself with great respect, honor and love. “

It is definitely a very striking trend. These weddings can be held on the shore of a beach or in a church, if desired . Nothing is superfluous when it comes to showing love to yourself.

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Couple relationships

Isopraxis: the language of seduction

Since the beginning of time, human beings have found a way to communicate beyond words. Isopraxis, or the language of seduction, falls within this field and is a field yet to be explored in depth.

Biological inheritance is part of each one of us, so it is essential to understand certain behaviors or processes. The body has its own method of communication, and it is important to learn to decipher it.

For this reason, below we analyze the messages that the body can transmit.

Isopraxis: the body also speaks

The body also has communication skills. If you do not feel comfortable in a place, probably the people around you are able to identify it from your body posture or your expression, for example.

It is not just an instinctive survival tool in ancient times – as when a strange sound made a man stop and look around – but the brain also makes it easier for others to perceive behavioral cues.

This explains why with some people you can create an almost immediate bond and maintain a good relationship, while with others the opposite is the case.

It is not difficult to notice that a person is uncomfortable in a chat. It can even be seen if someone is listening just out of courtesy,  even if they have no interest in the conversation .

Women talking about isopraxis

 

How can isopraxis help you win over who you like?

Now, how can you use all this information to your advantage to get the attention of the person you like? The key is in isopraxis. This technique consists of empathizing with the other and creating harmony through gestures and bodily expressions.

For example, the imitation of the other person’s posture, which allows establishing a greater proximity and complicity. It is usually done unconsciously and naturally, as it is a typical physical reaction in social situations. However, it can also be used as a tool in the art of conquest.

The explanation for this mechanism is in the cubelli neurons or mirror neurons , which are involved in imitation, empathic and social behaviors.

Read also: How to seduce your partner?

A weapon to conquer

This resource can be used to attract a potential partner or to check if you have bonded with a special person. In fact, you can look at people who start a relationship, they surely touch, are close to each other most of the time and even adopt similar postures.

Couple talking face to face

 

Here are some recommendations based on isopraxis to flirt effectively. They are as follows:

  • Maintain an upright position, looking straight ahead and avoiding shrugging your shoulders. This advice not only serves to avoid bad posture, but also to transmit security.
  • Hands should always be out of pockets. They should not be hidden, as this indicates insecurity, as suggested by this study by a team from Columbia University (United States) .
  • Look at the other person when you are speaking and when they are speaking to you.  Those who avoid looking are generally people with shyness problems, although this can also be improved.
  • It is also allowed to lean a little to denote interest, but it is not advisable to touch the other or invade their personal space .

It may interest you: How to maintain passion in your partner

How to know if the other person is interested

According to isopraxis, if the other person looks at you from the front, their pupils dilate a little and they lean their body towards you, there could be some interest. But if, on the contrary, the person avoids you, watches the clock constantly or their body posture denotes withdrawal, you may not be too attracted to them.

Keep in mind that they are approximate statements. Each person is a world and their way of developing in the communicative field as well. Like you, the other person may be changing their body posture on purpose so that you don’t think they are interested in you or because they feel nervous in front of the person they like.

Taking isopraxis into account is important, since it allows real evaluations of what the other person could feel and not express verbally. All this, without a doubt, will allow you to  develop better communication with others.

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Couple relationships

I feel distant from my partner: what do I do?

“I feel distant from my partner, what can I do?” This, perhaps, is one of the most frequent concerns among those who have a relationship. Suddenly, the person changes, things are not as before and fear appears of a hypothetical breakup.  How to react in these cases?

Since there are many feelings involved, it is frequent that doubts and questions appear that do not always have an immediate answer. 

However, before starting to build hypotheses, it is a good idea to examine some of the possible causes why this may have happened.

Let’s go deeper.

The couple bond

According to this study by Dr. Ortega Rojas,   the couple bond is one of the most important that people build throughout their lives. Therefore, a harmony must be established between the process of giving and receiving.

For love to work  , several components are needed that influence the well-being of the couple , and these revolve around mutual dedication and considering the needs of the other.

Couple on the beach

 

On the other hand, this research carried out by a team from the Santo Tomás University (Chile) tells us that to be happy in a relationship it is important to satisfy basic needs (food, money, clothing, etc.).

In addition to these, shared entertainment activities and, of course, emotional satisfaction, intimacy and social support are also important.

If these components fail, or if only one member of the couple complies, the relationship is prone to breakdown.

Discover: Keys to take care of your relationship

My partner is distant with me: possible reasons

While it is true that a change in attitude in a partner can be taken as a sign that things are wrong, it is also true that other possible causes must be analyzed.

Here are some of them.

A mature love is being forged

This can happen after the infatuation phase. When this stage is overcome, the relationship calms down and everything becomes more serene. This does not mean that love has ended, but that it has passed into a mature phase.

Your partner has had a loss

Any loss involves a grieving process . You may have lost a loved one, your job, or something else significant in your life, and you are in deep pain.

If this happens, it is normal for their attitude to change, only that the partner, being the closest person, is the one who usually perceives the changes first.  Try to give him all your love and understanding.

My partner is distant: possible reasons

 

Feels under pressure

Either due to studies, work or the same pressures of living together as a couple . In these cases, stress takes over the person and its consequences can be dire for the relationship.

If you think this is what is happening to him, talk to him and ask him to express himself without fear. Together, you can establish guidelines for action and analyze how you can improve or what you should change.

Constant conflicts

In these scenarios, it is possible that one of the two members feels tired from so much unproductive fighting and chooses to keep their distance.

If so, the couple will tend to emotionally distance themselves in order to avoid arguments.

Infidelity

This is another of the possible reasons why you might feel distant from the other, no matter how painful it is for you to admit it.

In some cases, the partner who is unfaithful changes schedules, routines or begins to hide some issues.

Also read: I don’t feel valued by my partner: what can I do?

I feel distant from my partner: what do I do?

After analyzing these possible causes, if you have managed to identify any that could describe your case, it  will be time to move on to the next phase.

  • Talk to your partner: do it in an assertive way, trying to focus on the facts and not on what you believe. Tell him about the specific actions you have observed and, without getting into controversy, ask him directly what has made him change his attitude.
  • Be patient:  avoid being harassed, be it with constant messages, persecution or by invading the limits of your privacy. If you do this, you would be the one who would be engaging in pathological behavior or suffering from celotype .
Man arguing with his girlfriend

 

  • Show empathy: if you have already talked and you have realized that your partner is experiencing a difficult time, put yourself in their place and show understanding.
  • Do not imitate their attitude: some people, seeing their distant partner, also assume that attitude out of pride. However, this only worsens the picture. Instead, it is more convenient to create habits to improve the relationship.
  • Have self-love: in this it is important that you develop good self-esteem. Many times, it also happens that everything is imaginary, that nothing happens, but fears develop due to the forms of attachment that one has. If so, you may want to seek psychological support to strengthen your areas of weakness.

Love yourself and do not accept less than what you deserve

When you are going through a bad streak in a relationship, the solution can only come from both of you. If you think that the love and support is one-sided and that the other does not correspond to you or make you happy, you should think of yourself first.

If you have spoken with your partner, you have confessed your feelings and keep doing the same, the most convenient thing is to break up. It is much better that you are alone in bad company.