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Sex and partner

Sexist behaviors in sex: not to be tolerated

Sexist behaviors are present in many areas . Indeed, in the workplace, at school, on the street, etc … Unfortunately, we can find them practically anywhere and the bed is no exception. A macho personality will be in all aspects of his life, including sex.

Macho behaviors

The dictionary of the Royal Academy defines machimo in two ways:

  1. Attitude of arrogance of men with respect to women.
  2. A form of sexism characterized by the prevalence of the male.

According to both definitions, we can see that it is a way of thinking, acting and behaving derived from the belief that man is superior to woman and, therefore, must prevail over her.

Couple arguing with angry man: macho behaviors
Machismo manifests itself in multiple places in our daily lives, significantly affecting sexual relationships.

Thus, a macho behavior is not limited to a single area of ​​life. Indeed, it can occur in work, family, society, art, even in legislation. In many cases, it is so subtle that it is even difficult to detect.

Therefore, sex is no exception: a macho, if he is, will not stop being one in intimate relationships. This means that, even in the sexual sphere, they will manifest their macho behaviors.

However, just as we do not have to endure phallocracy in any other way, we must not tolerate certain macho behaviors in sex either. How can we identify them? What are the macho behaviors in sex that we should not tolerate?

 We recommend you read: Beliefs that macho people have

Some macho behaviors in sex:

Believe that “no” is “yes”

Sexist violence
Simple and straightforward: “NO is NO”

Let’s start with the most basic: no no.  However, there is a highly macho belief that assumes that when a woman says “no”, she actually means “yes.” That is, if you insist, in the end the woman will give in.

This is a really widespread belief that can be easily verified, even today. Indeed, many blogs and websites indicate that “women are like that”, that they like “to make things difficult” and that, in fact, they are willing. It can even be verified in international projection movie scenes.

Well, it’s time to make it clear that “no” means “no” and nothing more than “no”. Point. 

Sex is sharing, it is enjoying together and it must be a fully conscious decision of both members of the couple. Therefore, if one of them says no, there will simply be no sex. Because sex can never be forced, it cannot be forced on the other person either physically or psychologically. 

Therefore, even if there are passionate and ardent kisses and the thing seems to lead to bed but at the last moment you are not sure and you do not want, you simply do not want. No one can force you nor should you feel obligated. Similarly, no one has the right to call you certain things for not having continued and maintained a sexual relationship.

“I don’t wear a condom”

Another of the classic macho behaviors in sex is that the man refuses to wear protection. In this sense, a “I control” or “I am clean” tag usually follows. Perhaps even a “if you want, use something yourself.”

This type of sexist behavior shows the arrogance of the man who considers that any negative aspect that could derive from sex (sexually transmitted diseases, for example) is not his responsibility but that of the woman. In this way, any consequence of sexual intercourse is solely the woman’s fault.

Well, no. Sex is an activity in which two people participate and two people are responsible. Neither is more so than the other. Therefore, you are within your right to request that there be protection and that responsibility be assumed. And, of course, you are not obliged to accept any type of sexual relationship without adequate protection.

Oral sex is only done by women

Make a French through oral sex.
Sexual pleasure is something of two, which also includes foreplay and oral sex.

Of course, for a sexist, sex revolves around the pleasure of the man, leaving that of the woman in second place. For this reason, normally a male chauvinist will refuse to perform oral sex on his partner , demanding, however, that it be done to him.

Indeed, macho behaviors tend to forget that women also need stimulation, that they also have their preferences and needs, and that not everything is sexual intercourse or male orgasm. Because, in fact, for many sexists, sex is aimed at a man’s orgasm and, after achieving it, sex is over.

Well, no. Sex is much more than that. Sex has preliminaries and there is also equally important subsequent activity (kisses, caresses, bonding). It should be satisfying for both of you and not just for one. Both must enjoy.

Thus, precisely in relation to oral sex practiced on women so that they can enjoy the clitoral orgasm, for the sexist it is a “waste of time” or, even, a “degradation”.

We recommend you read: Physiology of the female orgasm

conclusion

The macho behaviors in sex tend to see the woman as an object for the pleasure of the man. Indeed, your wishes, fantasies or needs do not count. Sex begins with and for the male, aiming at his satisfaction.

On the other hand, we must bear in mind that, unfortunately, the macho is not only rooted in the mentality of some men, but that this also has serious consequences in the way of thinking and acting of many women who believe that if they do not give in , they will not be pleasing the male.

We must, therefore, also become aware as women that assertiveness is important and necessary. Likewise, we must understand that sex is a matter of two, and should be as pleasant for one as for the other. 

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Sex and partner

What is being autosexual?

You may find the idea of ​​“being autosexual” a bit strange if you’ve never heard of it before. This is because it is not something that is commonly talked about in society. Yet it is present.

Those who are autosexual often hide it for fear of the judgment that others may make. And because? What can lead to prejudice? Let’s see more about it below.

What does it mean to be autosexual?

Have you ever seen a person who looks in the mirror and loves himself more than another person? Have you ever known a person who needs to think about themselves when masturbating in order to have an orgasm ? If the answer is yes, then you are dealing with an autosexual person.

Most definitions of autosexuality refer to all those people who are sexually attracted to themselves. Yes, just as a heterosexual is attracted to people of the other sex, and a homosexual is attracted to people of the same sex, autosexuals are attracted to themselves.

Indeed, this type of expression of sexuality is being considered today as one more orientation and there are already many cases of people who are deciding to relate their experience to stop being invisible.

Being autosexual woman

 

Being autosexual is not being narcissistic

It is likely that, in the first instance, the word autosexual makes us think of narcissism . However, they are not the same.

Narcissists need a group of people around, or other people in particular, to constantly praise them and, in this way, caress the ego. While, for his part, the autosexual does not need more than himself.

Furthermore, autosexual people do not need others to have a stable relationship, because they can have it with themselves, self-sufficiently and without third parties. That is why they are also called autoromantic.

Being autosexual is not new

Although it may seem novel, the term itself is not. Since 1962, the therapist Bernard Apfelbaum, a specialist in ego analysis in the field of sexuality, had studied this concept, and commented that: “being autosexual does not mean that a person does not like having relationships with others, but that no companion in bed would be able to overcome the pleasure he feels with himself ”.

The testimonies that exist about the condition of autosexual support what was affirmed by the therapist. Thus, a girl, who preferred not to disclose her name, said:

“When I masturbate, I do it thinking of myself, they are images in my mind. In my fantasies, I am the protagonist, I often imagine myself naked.

If it is someone else who caresses me, I do not feel the same, I never enjoy myself. I feel drawn to myself, in a deep way ”.

So, the most ideal for everyone to be happy seems to be the case in which two people with autosexual orientation go out, since in this way they would understand their needs and could take the time alone they need without having to feel guilty about it, nor feel selfish.

You may be interested: What does it mean to be asexual?

Autosexuality and the dream of having a family

Of course, autosexual people can aspire to dating, and some even dream of having a family. However, they will always feel love or be in love with them, just as it is also a fact that they will feel more pleasure with images of themselves.

However, autosexuality is much more than the act of masturbation. Since an autosexual can prepare a bathtub, light scented candles, play soft music and dance, or have dinner and have a romantic encounter with himself.

Autosexuality, although it may refer to an orientation, still requires more studies to be defined more precisely , in addition to being a term that has yet to gain ground in everyday life.

Woman at home thinking
Autosexual people can aspire to dating, family, or any other form of relationship. However, it is a fact that they will always take pleasure in images of themselves.

Orientation or disorder?

Is it truly an orientation and not a personality disorder? Dr. Jennifer McGowan, an expert on these issues, said that the narcissistic personality disorder has symptoms that allow a diagnosis.

But, in the case of autosexuality, it does not work that way, because autosexuals feel more comfortable when they enjoy their company, unlike the excessive attention that narcissists need.

You may want to read: What is being pansexual?

The researcher also clarified that autosexuality is not associated with the lack of empathy, typical of narcissism, but simply that the autosexual feels a preference for personal and private sexual experiences.

These words are given strength by the testimony of the aforementioned autosexual girl, since she maintains: “If I am in a relationship, or if I am single, I can always count on me.” To this she adds that she has the best orgasms with herself.

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Sex and partner

Sex without penetration, is it possible?

Have you heard your friend tell you that she went out with a boy, they touched a little or kissed his genitals, but there was no sex? It is common for many people to express themselves this way, especially women, believing that there is no such thing as sex without penetration.

However, it is important to emphasize the need to put these types of beliefs aside. That is, we cannot continue to think that if there was no penetration, then it is not about sex, because the truth is that it works that way.

In any type of encounter in which there is oral sex, mutual masturbation, or rubbing, even if there is no penetration, it can be said that there was sex.

The belief has spread to think that these sexual practices are isolated from the sexual act itself , or that it is only about “foreplay” or “foreplay.”

But, these kinds of thoughts only make women attach more importance to having a penis inside their vagina, than to the need for pleasure.

Sex without penetration does exist

Today, experts are more focused on clarifying these doubts and misconceptions that persist in a significant number of the female and male population.

In fact, some stores that sell erotic products have also dedicated themselves to this issue and have created online questionnaires so that users analyze their sexual behaviors and can clarify what really happens when they have an intimate encounter with someone.

Sex without penetration does exist
Although there is still a lot of taboo around this topic, the truth is that it is possible to have sex without penetration.

A popular belief is to think that sex is only reduced to penetration so that it can be considered as such; however, this type of thinking is reductionist. When we think like this, we do not consider those people who enjoy an active sexual life , in which there is no presence of penises.

Indeed, our western culture tends to be phallocentric and to dismiss other types of sexual encounters. According to what was raised by the sexologist, psychologist and couples therapist, Ana Lombardía, there is pressure for both women and men to feel the obligation to include penetration in their routine.

Thus, she argues that:

“We feel pressure for all sexual encounters to end with a movie penetration and orgasm, but these ideas must change. Sexuality should be oriented to do everything we like, and when we want, without having to adjust to specific rules ”.

Clearly, these ideas come from the little education that has been had regarding sexuality and, in those cases in which the person has received sexual education, this has not always prioritized the pleasure of the woman .

Read also: Sexist behaviors in sex: it should not be tolerated

Sex is much more complex

Another ingrained idea that gives strength to the previous idea – that sex is reduced to penetration – is that many people still believe that we should all be heterosexual and cisgender. This, of course, has only drawn more prejudice with it.

For this reason, some sexologists go against the concept of sexual foreplay, as they deplete the expressiveness of true sexuality by believing that anything other than penetration has less importance in intimacy. However, there are also other ways of having sex in which penetration does not matter.

The preliminaries are thought to be those previous games to what is really important, that is, penetration. For this reason, Dr. Lombardía emphasizes that:

“The only truth is that all sexual practices are complete and fulfilling by themselves, whether or not there is penetration, or it ends with an orgasm or not.”

Indeed, after consulting many women, some studies argue that penetration is not their preferred practice , as other sexual expressions are more exciting.

In addition to this, other research also confirms that not all women can have an orgasm if they are only penetrated. However, this is something that many keep quiet.

You may also be interested in: Advice Sexologists Share About Relationships

Woman with her partner
One of the most widespread myths is that women only achieve fullness with penetration. Far from this idea, there are other sexual practices that can be more exciting.

Women can re-educate

It is worth wondering who really are the women who are willing to re-educate themselves and fight for a less exclusive sexuality, in which a recognition of all the sexual potential that our bodies hide.

This new way of observing sexuality allows us to let go of all those misconceptions, or misplaced, that force us to have intimate encounters whose purpose is penetration.

In the same way, attending to sexuality as the complex dimension that it really is, helps us understand that what really matters is communicating with the couple, and letting them know what we like them to do to us and what we like to do.

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Sex and partner

10 common questions about sex

Next, we will present you with the 10 frequent questions about sex that come more frequently to sexology consultations. Among them, of course, are some of the most widespread myths about love and sexuality.

We invite you to clear your doubts with the following article and discover once and for all what sexuality really means at its best.

10 common questions about sex

We know that the subject has been and continues to be a taboo subject for many people. Therefore, we still find frequent doubts that, for some, are an impediment when it comes to enjoying their intimate encounters. Let’s see.

1. Is it true that multiple orgasms don’t exist?

False. Multiple orgasms do exist. In fact, Dr. Miguel Sira , a renowned sexologist, tells us that there are several types of orgasms. In his book “Between the sheets” , he explains that there is a multiorgasmic pattern, characterized by a phase of intense and rapid arousal.

This phase is followed by one of sustained and short intensity, and then a period of numerous orgasms of varying intensity that ends with a progressive decline.

Multiple orgasms.
Multiple orgasms exist and can be achieved through various types of stimulation.

2. If I have had sexual fantasies with other women, am I a lesbian?

False. According to the Kinsey Institute’s Dictionary of Sexology , sexual fantasies are imaginary mental representations that stimulate or accompany sexual acts. Therefore, sexual fantasies do not define a person’s sexual orientation, but other more complex factors.

3. If I have not had a vaginal orgasm until now, can I never have it again?

False. As long as attention is paid to aspects such as clitoral stimulation, it is possible to have an orgasm of this type. However, we must bear in mind that, in most cases, it is the clitoris and not the vagina that is the source of orgasm.

4. Can I get pregnant with menstruation?

Yes. Although the probabilities diminish, yes it is possible that it happens. Well, while it is true that a woman needs to be ovulating to get pregnant, it is also true that sometimes the menstrual cycle is not regular. Therefore, the precise moment in which you are ovulating is not known.

Additionally, there is also metrorrhagia, which consists of vaginal bleeding that occurs outside the menstrual period, and this must also be taken into account.

It may interest you: Physical exercise and menstrual cycle

5. Why do I feel pain when my partner caresses my clitoris?

Perhaps, the couple does not know very well how to stimulate the clitoris, so they end up doing it as they do with their own genitals, that is, abruptly. To change this, communication between the two components of the couple is necessary.

The clitoris is very sensitive and requires gentle stroking. The woman can communicate this to her partner. Some women take pleasure in subtle touches, made in a circular fashion, or with light rubbing in a vertical direction. This depends on each one.

Tell him exactly how you want him to stimulate you . If necessary, you can masturbate and show him how you do it. Thus, he will learn.

Woman experiencing pleasure
The clitoris has nerve endings that make it highly sensitive. Therefore, if the partner does not know how to stimulate it, it can be painful and uncomfortable.

6. Is the size of the penis important to feel pleasure?

No. The length of the penis does not matter when you want to have an orgasm. In fact, many women can be reached alone by masturbating with their fingers alone.

The importance given to penis size is due to myths and cultural beliefs, but sexuality is much more than this. Indeed, sexuality goes beyond penetration or penis size .

This importance that is given to the size of the penis has been promoted through the images represented in the pornographic films, but we know that these also are full of unreality.

7. Does sex life end with old age?

False. Sexuality does not end with old age. It only ends when we die. The only thing that happens with old age is that changes come and sexuality is lived in a different way, but it is not extinguished.

You may want to read: Sexuality in Old Age

8. Can a homosexual person be identified by their appearance?

No. Sexual orientation is influenced by many aspects of an affective, psychological, cognitive order, among others, and to determine what a person’s orientation is, it would only be possible to ask him or to express it by his will, but never by his appearance.

9. If you masturbate during adolescence, do you lose sexual potential in adulthood?

This is one of the frequent doubts about sex. But, no, it is completely false. It is just an unfounded belief that has gained a place in society, without any foundation or support.

masturbate on men
Masturbation is a completely natural act and it does not have to diminish sexual potential even if it is done from a young age.

10. Does premature ejaculation heal itself, letting time pass?

No. Premature ejaculation can be due to multiple factors. It is advisable to go to a specialist to find the option that is most effective. This can take time and include behavioral treatment , counseling, or the use of medications.

Over time, many myths have managed to integrate into society and have given rise to false beliefs that only detract from the enjoyment of the exercise of sexual function. But now we know that sexuality is broad and that both men and women can take an active role to have greater satisfaction. Did you solve any doubts about sex?

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Sex and partner

Talking about sex: why is it so difficult?

Talking about sex is difficult, even though it is known to be present almost everywhere. In fact, it is not easy for many people to participate in these types of conversations, either because they feel embarrassed or because they find it confusing.

On the other hand, there are those who do not know how to distinguish between what sexuality is or what differences exist between sex and gender. These, and many other doubts, continue to persist despite the fact that it is now relatively easier to have information about it.

Why is it so difficult to talk about sex?

In almost all spaces it becomes a difficult subject to approach. For example, there are parents who still do not explain to their children on the subject, until they ask. However, today it is known that it is important for parents to talk about these issues with their children, since it is part of their education .

Likewise, there are couples who do not manage to talk about sex either, which complicates relationships, since neither gets to know what the other’s sexual tastes or preferences are. While it is difficult to address this issue, there will always be doubts, confusion and little understanding of the other.

Hablar de sexo: ¿por qué es difícil?
Since always, everything related to sex has been taboo. Therefore, there are still couples who find it difficult to talk about it.

You may want to learn: How to improve your sexual communication

Sex and sexuality

Talking about sex is not the same as talking about sexuality, since there are differences between the two concepts. As long as the subject remains taboo, confusion will continue to reign. In any case, unresolved doubts prevent each person from knowing more about himself and having problems defining his personality .

Some institutions have already clarified that the term sexuality implies “a set of anatomical, psychological and affective conditions that characterize each sex.” That is, it is a fairly broad concept that encompasses the concept of sex, itself.

For this reason, referring to the issue of sexuality implies considering social, cultural, and any other determining factors in the person’s life. What there is no doubt is that this issue should be integrated into everyday life in order to clear up so many confusions that exist.

It is necessary to promote reflection on sexuality and destroy all myths about sex. This will allow to put an end to any type of thinking that, instead of clarifying, subjects individuals to feeling guilt and fear .

How to talk about sex?

It has already been explained that talking about sex is not the same as talking about sexuality, because the latter concept is much broader. However, within sexuality is the possibility of talking about sex. Thus, intimacy and pleasure can be expressed through certain beliefs, thoughts, attitudes, fantasies, norms, values, among others.

When talking about sex, it refers to the physiological and anatomical characteristics that make the female different from the male, but that do not necessarily have to coincide with the way each person feels. For these reasons, it is a relevant issue in the family nucleus, schools and, above all, in the couple.

¿Cómo hablar de sexo?
To talk about sex it is necessary to break down the taboos around the subject. And this not only in the couple, but in the family nucleus and at school.

 Guidelines for talking about sex

  • Assume that it is a vital issue: that is, that it is part of every human being.
  • Recognize its importance: that is, the most illogical thing is to live without trying to talk about sex because it is part of one of the dimensions of life.
  • Addressing the subject itself: trying to avoid the taboos that exist on the subject. The most important thing is clear and truthful information.
  • Share with your partner: to get to know each other better and recognize their tastes and desires. Talking about sex in the couple reinforces intimacy.
  • Leave shame aside: because whether you want to recognize it or not, sexuality is a dimension of life, and within this it is relevant to address these issues.

It may interest you:  10 most frequent questions about sex

Debunking myths about sex

It is advisable to put aside any feelings of shame when talking about sex, and this begins, especially, at home. It is time to put aside the taboos, myths and false beliefs to approach the subject from the greatest possible objectivity in order to achieve a good sex education.